


it doesn't need a name.

by Menhera_Piers



Series: Burying The Gross Stuff In This Ship Tag [3]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Unrequited Love, but not really. rose loves him back leon just doesn't know it and it's never addressed, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27906823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menhera_Piers/pseuds/Menhera_Piers
Summary: Me? Taking my emotional issues related to love as a traumatized neurodivergent person and repackaging them in a short vent fic about one of my comfort ships? More likely thank you think.This has nothing to do with anything and I'm not in a bad place right now, it's just something I was thinking about. I originally wasn't even going to post this.
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Rose | Chairman Rose
Series: Burying The Gross Stuff In This Ship Tag [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936294
Kudos: 6





	it doesn't need a name.

Bad with directions, bad with feelings, bad with things in general.

Leon preferred not to think about it. He didn't like confronting his emotions, because that meant admitting to a multitude of problems in his life, mostly unresolved trauma and the way it affected how he connected with people in adulthood.

....now he was thinking about it. Damnit.

He could call this a lot of things; a crush (too childish), love (too committed), infatuation (too formal), desire (connotations that left a bad taste in his mouth), but he preferred to call it nothing at all. This was just something he had to deal with.

It didn't need a name because it wasn't anything.

The idea of someone genuinely caring about him made him feel sick. During his time as Champion, he'd learned it was all about manipulation for your own gain. You either play into it or become someone else's pawn.

He couldn't count all of the broken promises and sick discoveries and times he'd lied to others to get by and later vomited only to be found shaking and crying on the bathroom floor because he was feeling so so so much a child never should and he was never ever shown how to deal with it, much less given a reprieve.

All while taking care of Hop, who he loved dearly but quietly envied because he got to have a childhood while Leon didn't.

He was under contract to never tell Hop why he  _ absolutely did not _ want to be Champion. He couldn't tell anyone who wasn't involved, and it absolutely wasn't like anyone involved would've taken his pain seriously.

Though through it all, Rose had always been there. The only one who'd never tried to take advantage of him and had only ever had good intentions for him. The only person he'd been able to honestly trust.

It didn't mean anything.

His attachment was natural for his situation, although unhealthy.

It didn't need a name.

So why did it hurt so much whenever Rose's attention was on someone else?

Why did it hurt even worse when his attention was on  _ him _ ?

"Leon."

".....hm?"

"You spaced out. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled.

He felt sick all over again.

Why couldn't he just say "I love you" like a normal person?

"Okay, good." Rose smiled back and held his hand to guide him along. They were busy, after all, and that meant a lot of meetings.

The contact was nice. His hands were always cold.

Rose was touching him. He didn't want to be touched.

Rose was paying attention to him with no ulterior motives, just genuine concern for his well-being as always. It wasn't sick or deceitful. Pure.

He liked that.

He carefully pulled his hand away. He could follow Rose on his own.

His pain was mostly self-inflicted, but it was what he was used to. Comfort and gentleness were uncomfortable, even if it's what he so desperately wanted-- no,  _ needed  _ his entire life.

There had to be something wrong with him.

He was broken, wasn't he?

So broken he didn't even want to ask for help and denied it when offered.

He was still the Champion, though, so he had to keep up a happy persona. If everyone saw what a broken mess he really was, he'd never live it down.

He didn't want his mother to know what a disappointment of a son he was.

He didn't want Hop to know what a failure of a big brother he was.

He didn't want Rose to know how hopeless he was.

Nobody wants someone who's hopeless.

Not that Rose would ever want him. Even though Rose filled some sort of emptiness in him that nobody else ever could, this would always be a one-sided thing. He knew it.

Rose cared about him, but he would never love him, especially not in the same way Leon loved  _ him _ .

Was it even love at this point or just obsession?

He was sick.

He felt sick again.

He was overthinking.

He had to stop before--

Nevermind. He was already crying.

Now Rose was concerned.

_Damnit, damnit, damnit-_

**Author's Note:**

> Technically it doesn't belong in this series but I'm putting it here anyway because fuck you.


End file.
